GARTH BRYSON
(Bass, Backup Vocal)

Garth "the Flowmaster" Bryson was built in 1957 at Oaktech Artificial Intelligence in Springfield, Ohio under the name GarthBot 9000.  OAI was contracted to build him by a national corporation for his pre-programmed accounting functions.  However, the engineer who was putting the finishing touches on him spilled his drink into his internal motherboard.  Although GarthBot 9000 still operated, his accounting programs were all somehow replaced by programs which allowed him to play the bass guitar at an accelerated level.  He escaped OAI before a skilled team of engineers could reprogram him, and Oaktech went bankrupt months later due to the loss of the client, GarthBot's would-be new home.  GarthBot then changed his name to the close-sounding Garth Bryson to avoid re-capture.  He wandered the streets of Springfield for 43 years until his sensory functions relayed nothing but morse code spelling out, "L...A...G...Tucson...A...Z..."  Engrossed with robotic curiosity, he traveled there via his hoverpads and joined the band Ladies and Gentlemen.
 
 

Mike Herman was born in Hollywood, California to a single, working-class mom in 1995.  His father dabbled in science and his magnum opus was a pair of pods which could teleport humans back and forth instantaneously by breaking down, transmitting, and re-organizing the molecules of the human body.  Sadly, at the first trial run of his invention, Mr. Herman unknowingly entered the pod with a common housefly.  When the computer reassembled him, it spliced the two DNA strands together, causing Mr. Herman to become a fly-mutant so repulsive that his own wife ended up killing him to protect herself.  Due to the fact that his father was a genetic freak, Mike has been growing at an accelerated rate (to the point of appearing 23 years old), and even more oddly, he acquired exceptional drumming skills as well.  Unfortunately, Mike has admitted to attempting to finish his dad's work, but so far no luck, due to his preoccupation of performing in the rock band Ladies and Gentlemen.  However, he does have some shiny wings beginning to poke out of his back...
 
 

Clay Letson was born on July 13 and 14th, 1975.  Clay was one of those lucky (or unlucky) babies born on the immesurable fraction of a second separating the two days and therefore is blessed (or cursed) with having two birthdays.  He was born in North Ridge, Alabama to a family of 13 die-hard Baptists, the patriarch of which being a well-known Southern Preacher.  On his 18th birthday(s), he continued the family tradition and became a minister at the 3rd Baptist Church of Christ in his hometown.  So convincing and dedicated in his beliefs was he that it finally pushed him over the brink.  Around late September of  '93, he began believing that he was God.  He wrote all about it in his tell-all book, Around Late September of '93, I Began Believing that I am God (Roundhouse Publishing, 1994).  He cited in his book that part of the proof of his holiness was that he was able to play the guitar after no lessons at all.  That book got him excommunicated from the Baptist Church, leaving him a broken, empty man.  He decided to turn to the only place that would support his inflated ego: a rock and roll band.  Clay moved to Tucson and joined Ladies and Gentlemen in 2000.
 
 

Alex "the Kid" Porter was born in a 
virtually uninhabited portion of Northern Canada around 1983.  He led a normal, healthy child life until the age of 11.  During an accident while he was chopping the winter's supply of wood, he accidently sliced off his left hand.  Although he recovered the hand in the snow, nearby doctors declared there was no hope of ever reattatching the disembodied hand.  A hook was put in its place, but things were never the same.  Nevertheless, Alex decided to overcome his injury and become quite skilled at playing the guitar and keyboard.  2 years later, at a regular check up to the family doctor, a chemical imbalance was found in his brain causing him to become very emotionally unstable.  After Alex had murdered all of his neighbors, his parents decided that there was no alternative but to set him free into the wild.  Alex hitchhiked down to southern Arizona where, as legend has it, in the dead of night, if you listen close, you can still hear him scrape his hook and 
howl, looking for his next victim.  Sometimes, it appears to be getting closer, and closer, and closer... These 
days, Alex can be heard howling for rock band Ladies and Gentlemen.